


Volleyball Jesus

by Zeriku



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, Humor, more like
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 21:19:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1279204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeriku/pseuds/Zeriku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follow the adventures of "Volleyball Jesus" Asahi-kun as he gathers his disciples.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Volleyball Jesus

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse for this except that I really think Asahi is the volleyball jesus. I am so gomen friends

Asahi really, _really_ wants to strangle whoever came up with this _ridiculous_ nickname that he’d been saddled with. He has just gotten used to his title—Karasuno’s _Ace_ —so why did his teammates think it’s okay to give him a new nickname so soon? Especially as absurd as this new one. It’s so absurd that Asahi wants to hit his head on the wall repeatedly while strangling the person who dubbed him with it. Except he can only do one of those things and, much to his dismay, it isn't the _latter_.

“Yachi-chan, you’re so clever!” Tanaka praises the trembling girl, patting her not-so-gently at the back. He immediately ceases this when he receives a glare from their scowling manager. Beside him, Nishinoya is trying to breathe while simultaneously laughing. It isn’t working very well, and Asahi wishes it continues so that this ungrateful brat will pass on to the next life.

Still, the libero manages to wheeze out some words in between pants and snickers. “It—really— _oh god my sides they burn_ —“

“Noya, stop it. You’re offending our _lord_.” A second doesn’t even pass as Tanaka joins Nishinoya on the floor again, both laughing their asses off. At the side, Yachi continues trembling, trying her hardest not to look at the seething Asahi.

“It isn’t that bad,” Sugawara, ever the diplomat, tries to placate Asahi. “It suits you, actually. Volleyball Jesus does have a nice ring to it, and it matches your demeanor and looks. Plus, you really are our savior most of the time.”

Asahi blushes profusely at this. He also purposely serves the balls on Nishinoya’s and Tanaka’s way once he got his bearings back together, hitting the two guffawing juniors straight at their faces. He feels morbidly satisfied at their pained groans that follow him on his way out of the gym.

 

* * *

 

Of course he isn’t naive enough to think that his other teammates won’t catch on with his new title. That doesn’t mean that he’s prepared for it, though.

"Volleyball Jesus," Kageyama repeats with an air of hilarity _and awe_. His expression, caught between not trying to laugh and being amazed, makes Asahi uncomfortable. Why is Kageyama so amazed by it, anyway?

“Oh, please. Don’t let Yachi’s streak of genius render you speechless, Kageyama.” At the other side of the court, Asahi sees Yachi diving behind Kiyoko with a squeak.

Still, Asahi can’t blame the girl for blurting out her thoughts (even if it means that he’s now subjected to endless ridicule). "P-Please stop sayi--"

"Volleyball Jesus-sama!” Hinata screams at the top of his lungs, jumping up and down excitedly to catch Asahi’s attention. When he’s certain that he has all of it, he puffs his chest out and says,

“I will be your first disciple and I will follow you FOREVER."

"No— Hinata, that's—"

“Dammit, this wasn’t in the plan!” Asahi watches confusedly as Tanaka chews at his towel. “You’re not supposed to take away my kouhais!”

“Tanaka, what—“

“Wait.” Tanaka then grins, his face shining as enlightenment dawns on him. “If you’re Volleyball Jesus, then I am Volleyball _Buddha_!”

“I think you’re missing the point...”

 

* * *

 

“Please make them stop.”

Currently, Asahi is on his knees in front of Ukai and Takeda. The two adults stare at their pitiful-looking ace and then to the ruckus that is his teammates.

“So...why are there two shrines in the middle of the court?” Ukai asks calmly. At his side, Takeda is now trying hard not to hyperventilate.

“Why are there lit torches beside that bucket!? Fire isn’t allowed inside of the gym!”

“Well, you see—“

Hinata cuts Asahi off by saying, “We’re voting for who’s better, the Volleyball Jesus or the Volleyball Buddha! Don’t worry, Volleybal Jesus-sama, my vote goes to you! And so does Kageyama’s!”

“Hey, who gave you the right to cast my vote!?”

“Please make them stop,” Asahi nearly cries at the feet of his coach and teacher. Maybe he really should have never returned to Karasuno’s volleyball club.

**Author's Note:**

> Stay tuned for more Volleyball Jesus (and Volleyball Buddha) shenanigans.


End file.
